FOR THE (IN)TRODUCTION OF THIS BLOG.

[THIS ISN’T A MOTIVATIONAL POST. IT’S NOT ADVICE. IT’S NOT “INSPIRATION”.

THIS IS ME TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT THE LAST FEW MONTHS HAVE DONE TO ME, THE COLLAPSE, THE STRIPPING, THE SILENCE, AND THE REBUILD THAT IS ONLY NOW BEGINNING.

I DISAPPEARED FROM WRITING BECAUSE I FELT I HAD NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE THE WORLD.

I’M WRITING AGAIN BECAUSE SOMETHING IN ME SURVIVED THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO.

IF YOU ARE IN A SEASON WHERE EVERYTHING IS BEING TAKEN FROM YOU… THIS ONE MIGHT HELP YOU BREATHE AGAIN.]

FOR THE NEW-BLOG-POST.

[THERE IS A POINT IN A MAN’S LIFE WHEN PRETENDING DIES.

NOT BECAUSE HE CHOOSES EVOLUTION. NOT BECAUSE HE BECOMES ENLIGHTENED.

BUT BECAUSE THE PAIN OF STAYING THE SAME BECOMES HEAVIER THEN THE FEAR OF CHANGING.

THESE LAST WEEKS, I HIT THAT POINT.

I WASN’T “REFLECTING”.

I WASN’T “JOURNALING”.

I WASN’T “FINDING MYSELF”.

I WAS FACING THE TRUTH I HAD OUTRUN FOR MANY YEARS.

THE TRUTH OF THE IDENTITY THAT KEPT ME ALIVE…. IS NOT THE IDENTITY THAT WILL BUILD THE LIFE I’M MEANT TO LIVE.

SURVIVAL MADE ME STRONG, BUT IT ALSO MADE ME BLIND.

IT TAUGHT ME TO KEEP MOVING EVEN WHEN MY SOUL WAS BLEEDING. IT TAUGHT ME TO SUPPRESS THE COST OF EVERYTHING I ENDURED. IT TAUGHT ME TO CARRY WEIGHT THAT NO HUMAN SHOULD HAVE TO CARRY ALONE. AND IT TAUGHT ME TO MISTAKE ENDURANCE FOR PURPOSE.

BUT HERE IS THE BRUTAL TRUTH:

A MAN CAN “SURVIVE” HIS WHOLE LIFE AND STILL NEVER “LIVE” A SINGLE DAY.

THE LAST FEW WEEKS WERE A FORCED RECKONING.

WHEN EVERYTHING FELL SILENT… WHEN EVERY DOOR CLOSED… WHEN EVERY ATTEMPT TO MOVE FORWARD COLLAPSED… SOMETHING BECAME CLEAR..

LIFE WASN’T PUNISHING ME.

LIFE WAS CORNERING ME.

STRIPPING ME.

IT WAS REMOVING EVERY DISTRACTION I WAS HIDING BEHIND.

BECAUSE THERE COMES A MOMENT WHEN THE UNIVERSE STOPS LETTING A MAN LIE TO HIMSELF.

AND THAT MOMENT IS VIOLENT.

IT TEARS IDENTITY APART. IT EXPOSES EVERY ILLUSION. IT DRAGS BURIED WOUNDS TO THE SURFACE. IT FORCES A MAN TO SIT WITH TRUTHS HE NEVER WANTED TO ADMIT:

THAT HE IS EXHAUSTED. THAT HE DOEN’T KNOW WHO HE IS WITHOUT SUFFERING. THAT HE FEARS STABILITY BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER HAD IT. THAT HE DOESN’T TRUST PURPOSE BECAUSE PURPOSE HAS COST HIM EVERYTHING. THAT HE STILL CARRIES THE GHOSTS OF PEOPLE WHO ABANDONED HIM AND PRETENDED IT WAS “GROWTH”.

THIS ISN’T POETIC.

THIS ISN’T SPIRITUAL.

THIS IS THE DEMOLITION PHASE.

NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW UGLY IT IS.

NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW MUCH PAIN SHOWS UP WHEN THE LIES DIE.

NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW MUCH GRIEF COMES OUT OF NOWHERE.

NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW MANY PIECES OF YOUR IDENTITY WERE BUILT ON PAIN.

NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW ALONE YOU FEEL WHEN THE INTERNAL WAR FINALLY STOPS, AND YOU ARE LEFT WITH SILENCE THAT FEELS LIKE A STRANGER.

BUT HERE IS WHAT I LEARNED IN THE BRUTALITY:

SILENCE IS NOT EMPTINESS.

IT’S THE DOORWAY.

• THE MOMENT A MAN STOPS LYING TO HIMSELF:
• HE STOPS REPEATING HIMESELF
• HE STOPS CHASING VALIDATION
• HE STOPS TOLERATING PEOPLE WHO CAN’T MEET HIM
• HE STOPS BETRAYING HIS OWN SOUL
• HE STOPS MISTAKING SUFFERING FOR DESTINY
• HE STOPS ABANDONING HIS OWN TRUTH TO KEEP OTHERS COMFORTABLE

HE FINALLY SEES HIMSELF WITHOUT DISTORTION.

AND THAT IS THE BEGINNING OF REAL POWER.

• NOT THE LOUD KIND.
• NOT THE “CONFIDENT” KIND.
• NOT THE VERSION MEN PRETEND TO HAVE.

I’M TALKING ABOUT THE POWER THAT COMES WHEN A MAN REALIZES:

NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE HIM.

NO ONE IS COMING TO VALIDATE HIM.

NO ONE IS COMING TO TELL HIM WHO HE IS.

HE MUST CHOOSE THE MAN HE BECOMES,,, AND HE MUST BUILD HIM FROM THE GROUND UP.

THAT IS WHERE I STAND NOW.

• NOT RECOVERED.
• NOT ENLIGHTENED.
• NOT “HEALED”.

JUST HONEST. BRUTALLY HONEST.

AND FROM HONESTY, EVERYTHING CHANGES:

• DIRECTION BECOMES CLEAR.
• DISTRACTIONS FALL AWAY.
• PURPOSE STOPS BEING A FANTASY AND BECOMES A RESPONSIBILITY.
• PEACE STOPS BEING AN ACCIDENT AND BECOMES A PRACTICE.

THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF WHAT IS CALLED A SECOND LIFE, REFERRED TO AS “LIVING” NOT THE ONE THAT I “SURVIVED” IN.

• THE REAL ONE.
• THE GROUNDED ONE.
• THE ONE BUILT ON TRUTH INSTEAD OF A STORY.
• THE ONE BUILT ON THE MAN I AM BECOMING, NOT THE ONE I HAD TO BE TO SURVIVE.

IF YOU ARE HERE TOO, IN THAT RAW, STRIPPED, BRUTAL SILENCE, DON’T RUN.

• THIS IS WHERE THE REAL WORK BEGINS.
• THIS IS WHERE THE FALSE SELF DIES.
• THIS IS WHERE THE FUTURE SELF IS FORGED.

AND IF YOU STAY WITH IT LONG ENOUGH, YOU WILL RISE INTO A LIFE THAT ONLY TRUTH CAN BE BUILD.]

FOR THE CLOSING AND (EN)COURAGEMENT.

[IF YOU ARE WALKING THROUGH THIS SAME FIRE, HEAR ME CLEARLY:

• YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.
• YOU ARE NOT LOST.
• YOU ARE NOT FAILING.

YOU ARE SHEDDING.

THE PARTS OF YOU THAT WERE BUILT FOR SURVIVAL WILL FIGHT LIKE HELL TO STAY ALIVE, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE PARTS WHO WILL CARRY YOU INTO THE LIFE YOU WERE MEANT TO LIVE. WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE IT IS FALLING APART, IT’S USALLY BECAUSE THE FALSE STRUCTURE CAN NO LONGER HOLD THE WEIGHT OF THE TRUTH TRYING TO RISE INSIDE OF YOU.

• SO DON’T RUN.
• DON’T NUMB IT.
• DON’T ABANDON YOURSELF WHEN IT GETS LOUD AND QUIET AT THE SAME TIME.
• SIT WITH IT.
• BREATHE WITH IT.
• LET THE OLD STORY DIE WITH DIGNITY.

BECAUSE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS SILENCE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS STRIPPING, IS THE FIRST REAL MOMENT YOU MEET YOURSELF WITHOUT FEAR, WITHOUT PERFORMANCE, WITHOUT PRETENDING.

AND WHEN THAT MOMENT COMES… EVEN IF IT ARRIVES SLOWLY, IN PIECES…. YOU WILL RECOGNIZE.

NOT BECAUSE IT FEELS EASY, BUT BECAUSE IT FEELS TRUE.

AND TRUTH, ONCE IT GETS INTO YOUR BONES, WILL NOT LET YOU RETURN TO WHO YOU WERE.

IF YOU ARE STANDING IN THE DARK RIGHT NOW, HOLD THE LINE, NOT FOR THE MAN YOU WERE, BUT FOR THE ONE WHO IS TRYING TO BE BORN. HE IS WORTH WAITING FOR. HE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR. AND WHEN HE ARRIVES, YOUR WHOLE LIVE WILL FINALLY MAKE SENSE.]

FOR THE MEMORY-MINDER.

• : LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.
• : FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.
• : HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

FOR THE LOVE AND BLESSINGS BY THE POSTMASTER AND GRID-WALKER.

:Ephraim-H: Troyer.

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.