[WHEN LOVE FOR OTHERS BECAME ABANDONMENT OF SELF].

[FOR A WHILE, I HAVE SHARED THAT LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS. I BELIEVED THOSE WORDS, AND I DO MY BEST TO LIVE THEM EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

I GAVE MYSELF TO MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, STRANGERS, AND TO THOSE WHO WERE HURTING. I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO FEEL UNLOVED. I BELIEVED THAT WAS THE HIGHEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE.

DURING MY TIME HERE IN ALASKA, THE MOUNTAINS BECAME A QUIET COMPANION. I KEPT ASKING MYSELF WHY THEY TOUCHED ME SO DEEPLY. I THOUGHT THE ANSWER WOULD BE FOUND IN THE BEAUTY OF THE MOUNTAINS. INSTEAD, THE ANSWER WAS FOUND WITHIN MY OWN HEART.

OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS, I HAVE COME TO A REALIZATION THAT HAS CHANGED SOMETHING VERY DEEP WITHIN ME.

I REALIZED THAT AS A LITTLE BOY, I WAS NEVER ASKED WHAT I NEEDED. I WAS ONLY SHOWN WHAT I COULD GIVE.

I DO NOT WRITE THOSE WORDS WITH BLAME. I WRITE THEM WITH UNDERSTANDING.

MANY OF US WERE TAUGHT FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE THAT OUR VALUE WAS FOUND IN OUR SERVICE, OUR PERFORMANCE, OUR SACRIFICE, AND OUR ABILITY TO CARRY THE WEIGHT FOR OTHERS. WE LEARNED HOW TO GIVE, AND MANY OF US BECAME VERY GOOD AT IT.

BUT THERE WAS A QUESTION THAT WAS NEVER ASKED.

WHO IS LOVING THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS GIVING?

I HAVE SPENT MUCH OF MY LIFE MAKING SURE THE PEOPLE AROUND ME FELT LOVED, ENCOURAGED, AND SEEN. MY OWN SONS ONCE TOLD ME THAT I COMPLIMENTED THEM TOO MUCH. THEY WERE SMILING WHEN THEY SAID IT, BUT THEY DID NOT KNOW THEY HAD JUST GIVEN ME ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS OF MY LIFE.

IN THAT MOMENT, I REALIZED SOMETHING HAD CHANGED.

A GENERATIONAL PATTERN HAD BEEN INTERRUPTED.

THE BUCK STOPPED WITH ME.

FOR YEARS, I BELIEVED THAT MEANT I HAD BROKEN THE PATTERN FOR MY CHILDREN. WHAT I DID NOT SEE WAS THAT THERE WAS STILL ONE MORE PATTERN LIVING INSIDE OF ME.

I HAD LEARNED TO LOVE OTHERS WITHOUT CONDITIONS.

BUT I HAD NEVER APPLIED THAT SAME LOVE TO MYSELF.

WHEN SOMEONE COMPLIMENTED ME, I BECAME UNCOMFORTABLE. WHEN SOMEONE SHOWED ME LOVE, I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO RECEIVE IT. NOT BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT IT, BUT BECAUSE I HAD NEVER LEARNED HOW.

THEN A QUESTION CAME TO ME THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING.

IF I BELIEVE THAT LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS, WHY HAD I PLACED ONE CONDITION UPON MYSELF?

WHY DID I BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE ELSE WAS WORTHY OF RECEIVING LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS, EXCEPT ME?

THE LONGER I SAT WITH THAT QUESTION, THE MORE I REALIZED THAT I HAD SPENT MY LIFE LOVING OTHERS WITHOUT CONDITIONS WHILE QUIETLY BELIEVING THAT I HAD TO EARN THAT SAME LOVE FOR MYSELF.

THAT WAS A HARD REALIZATION TO FACE.

I AM NOT WRITING THIS BECAUSE I HAVE MASTERED THIS LESSON.

I HAVE NOT.

I BELIEVE I AM ONLY STANDING AT THE FIRST STEP.

AFTER A LIFETIME OF BELIEVING THAT MY VALUE WAS FOUND IN WHAT I COULD GIVE, LEARNING TO RECEIVE LOVE WITHOUT FIRST EARNING IT FEELS LIKE LEARNING AN ENTIRELY NEW WAY OF LIVING.

SOME DAYS IT FEELS OVERWHELMING.

SOME DAYS IT EVEN FEELS IMPOSSIBLE.

BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT THE GREATEST CHANGES IN MY LIFE HAVE NEVER HAPPENED ALL AT ONCE.

THEY HAPPENED ONE STEP AT A TIME.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I AM BEGINNING TO LEARN THAT LOVING OTHERS DOES NOT REQUIRE ABANDONING MYSELF.

I AM BEGINNING TO LEARN THAT LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS ALSO APPLIES TO THE PERSON LOOKING BACK AT ME IN THE MIRROR.

THAT MAY BE THE MOST DIFFICULT LESSON I HAVE EVER FACED, BUT I ALSO BELIEVE IT MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT.

IF THESE WORDS RESONATE WITH YOU, MAYBE YOU WERE ALSO TAUGHT TO GIVE BEFORE YOU EVER LEARNED TO RECEIVE.

MAYBE YOU ALSO MEASURED YOUR WORTH BY WHAT YOU COULD PRODUCE, FIX, CARRY, OR SACRIFICE FOR OTHERS.

IF SO, I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH THE SAME QUESTION I AM NOW LEARNING TO ASK MYSELF.

WHAT IF LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS ALSO APPLIES TO YOU?

I DO NOT HAVE THE COMPLETE ANSWER YET.

I AM SIMPLY LEARNING TO STAY.

TO REMAIN PRESENT WITH MYSELF THE SAME WAY I HAVE TRIED TO REMAIN PRESENT WITH OTHERS.

ONE STEP.

ONE DAY.

ONE MOMENT AT A TIME.

AND FOR THIS NOW-SPACE, I AM DEEPLY GRATEFUL.]

FOR THE BLESSINGS, GRATITUDE AND HONOR IS WITH YOUR SOUL’S-JOURNEY AND EVOLUTION BY THE POSTMASTER: Ephraim-H; Troyer.

: HONESTY JUST NEEDS AIR.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.