[LOVE DOES NOT REQUIRE ME TO ABANDON MYSELF.]

[FOR MUCH OF MY LIFE, I BELIEVED THAT LOVING SOMEONE WITHOUT CONDITIONS MEANT ACCEPTING THEM WITHOUT CONDITIONS.

I BELIEVED THAT IF I TRULY LOVED ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, I SHOULD CONTINUE TO GIVE.

CONTINUE TO FORGIVE.

CONTINUE TO MAKE ROOM.

CONTINUE TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.

CONTINUE TO TRY HARDER.

AND IF SOMETHING STILL WASN’T WORKING, I BELIEVED THE ANSWER WAS TO GIVE EVEN MORE OF MYSELF.

I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT SOMEWHERE INSIDE THAT DEFINITION OF LOVE, I WAS SLOWLY DISAPPEARING.

I HAD BEEN TAUGHT THAT GIVING MYSELF AWAY WAS LOVE.

I HAD BEEN TAUGHT THAT EXPECTING NOTHING IN RETURN WAS HONORABLE.

I HAD BEEN TAUGHT THAT PUTTING MYSELF FIRST WAS SELFISH.

SO I LEARNED HOW TO LOVE EVERYONE EXCEPT THE ONE HUMAN BEING I COULD NEVER ACTUALLY LEAVE BEHIND.

MYSELF.

FOR YEARS, I DID NOT RECOGNIZE THE CONTRADICTION.

I BELIEVED I WAS PRACTICING UNCONDITIONAL LOVE WHILE PLACING A CONDITION UPON MY OWN WORTH:

I WAS WORTHY AS LONG AS I COULD KEEP GIVING.

THAT BELIEF FOLLOWED ME THROUGH MUCH OF MY LIFE.

AND BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVING A HUMAN BEING AND ACCEPTING THEIR ACTIONS, I BELIEVED I HAD ONLY TWO CHOICES.

I COULD WITHDRAW MY LOVE…

OR I COULD ABANDON MYSELF.

SO AGAIN AND AGAIN, I CHOSE TO ABANDON MYSELF.

NOT BECAUSE I WAS WEAK.

NOT BECAUSE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WERE FAKE.

THE HUMANS WERE REAL.

I WAS REAL.

MY LOVE WAS REAL.

BUT THE PROGRAMMING I WAS LIVING FROM WAS FALSE.

AND IF SOMETHING IS FALSE, I AM WILLING TO CALL IT WHAT IT IS.

FAKE.

HONESTY REQUIRED ME TO FINALLY LOOK AT THAT PROGRAMMING WITHOUT DRESSING IT UP TO MAKE IT MORE COMFORTABLE.

AND WHEN I DID, I REMEMBERED SOMETHING THAT CHANGED MY UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE.

THE HUMAN AND THE HUMAN’S ACTIONS ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN WITHOUT CONDITIONS AND STILL DISAGREE WITH THEIR ACTIONS.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN AND SAY NO.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN AND WALK AWAY.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN AND REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN SOMETHING THAT VIOLATES MY TRUTH.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN WITHOUT HATING THEM, PUNISHING THEM, OR NEEDING THEM TO BECOME SOMEONE DIFFERENT.

AND I CAN DO ALL OF THAT WITHOUT ABANDONING MYSELF.

THAT DISTINCTION HAS CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR ME.

LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS DOES NOT MEAN ACCESS WITHOUT CONDITIONS.

LOVE CAN REMAIN EVEN WHEN A RELATIONSHIP CANNOT.

SAYING NO TO AN ACTION IS NOT THE SAME AS SAYING THAT THE HUMAN BEING IS UNWORTHY OF LOVE.

I CAN LOVE SOMEONE’S HUMANITY WHILE HONESTLY RECOGNIZING THAT THEIR ACTIONS DO NOT ALIGN WITH THE LIFE I CHOOSE TO LIVE.

THOSE ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.

FOR A LONG TIME, I HAD THEM CONFUSED.

TODAY, I DON’T.

AND PERHAPS THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST REMEMBERINGS OF MY JOURNEY.

I ONCE BELIEVED I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LOVE AND MYSELF.

I NOW KNOW…

I CAN KEEP BOTH.

I DO NOT HAVE TO HATE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING TO HONOR MYSELF.

I DO NOT HAVE TO JUDGE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING TO DISCERN WHETHER THEIR ACTIONS BELONG IN MY LIFE.

I DO NOT HAVE TO CONDEMN SOMEONE TO WALK A DIFFERENT PATH.

AND I DO NOT HAVE TO BETRAY MYSELF TO PROVE THAT MY LOVE IS REAL.

THIS IS WHERE THE WORDS…

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

HAVE TAKEN ON AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DEPTH FOR ME.

LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS DOES NOT REMOVE DISCERNMENT.

IT DOES NOT REMOVE HONESTY.

IT DOES NOT REMOVE THE WORD NO.

IT DOES NOT REQUIRE SELF-ABANDONMENT.

IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO REMOVE LOVE FROM ANOTHER HUMAN BEING BECAUSE I CANNOT AGREE WITH THEIR ACTIONS.

THE HUMAN IS STILL HUMAN.

AND SO AM I.

THAT LAST PART MATTERS.

BECAUSE FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, MY UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE HAD ROOM FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT ME.

TODAY, LOVE HAS ROOM FOR BOTH OF US.

I CAN HONOR YOUR HUMANITY WITHOUT DISHONORING MY OWN.

I CAN ALLOW YOU TO WALK YOUR JOURNEY WITHOUT BELIEVING I MUST WALK IT WITH YOU.

I CAN RELEASE THE NEED TO CHANGE YOU WHILE STILL TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LIFE I CHOOSE.

I CAN LOVE YOU…

AND REMAIN HOME WITHIN MYSELF.

THAT IS NOT REJECTION.

THAT IS NOT HATRED.

THAT IS NOT REVENGE.

FOR ME, THAT IS LOVE FINALLY STANDING BESIDE TRUTH.

BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING ELSE.

LOVE WITHOUT TRUTH CAN BECOME SELF-ABANDONMENT.

TRUTH WITHOUT LOVE CAN BECOME HARSHNESS.

BUT WHEN LOVE AND TRUTH STAND TOGETHER, I NO LONGER HAVE TO SACRIFICE ONE TO KEEP THE OTHER.

I CAN LOVE.

I CAN DISCERN.

I CAN SAY NO.

I CAN WALK AWAY.

I CAN WISH ANOTHER HUMAN WELL.

AND I CAN REMAIN WHOLE.

I AM NOT WRITING THIS TO TELL ANOTHER PERSON HOW TO LIVE.

I AM NOT WRITING IT TO CONDEMN ANYONE FROM MY PAST.

THE PEOPLE WHO WALKED THROUGH MY LIFE ARE NOT THE ENEMY OF THIS STORY.

THIS IS SIMPLY THE TRUTH OF WHAT I LIVED.

WHAT I BELIEVED.

WHAT IT COST ME.

AND WHAT I FINALLY REMEMBERED.

THE FALSE PROGRAMMING TAUGHT ME THAT IF I LOVED THE HUMAN, I HAD TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING THEY DID.

HONESTY TAUGHT ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN WITHOUT CONDITIONS WHILE REFUSING TO ABANDON THE HUMAN WITHIN ME.

AND PERHAPS THAT IS THE QUESTION I WILL LEAVE WITH YOU:

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN TAUGHT THAT LOVING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING REQUIRES YOU TO ABANDON YOURSELF?

DO NOT RUSH TO ANSWER IT.

DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF FOR WHATEVER YOU DISCOVER.

SIMPLY GIVE THE QUESTION AIR.

BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE MOST DIFFICULT TRUTH IS NOT THAT WE FAILED TO LOVE OTHERS.

IT IS THAT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY…

WE FORGOT THAT WE WERE INCLUDED IN LOVE TOO.

AND PERHAPS REMEMBERING THAT IS NOT SELFISH AT ALL.

PERHAPS…

IT IS COMING HOME TO MYSELF AND REMEMBERING WHO I AM.]

FOR THE BLESSING AND HONOR IS WITH YOUR SOUL’S-JOURNEY AND EVOLUTION BY THIS GRIDWALKER AND POSTMASTER: Ephraim-H: Troyer.

: HONESTY JUST NEEDS AIR.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS,

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.