FOR THE WEIGHT OF THE SURVIVAL AND [DIS]COVERY OF THE PEACE.

[FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, I THOUGHT STRENGTH MEANT THE ABILITY TO ENDURE.

TO KEEP GOING.
TO KEEP CARRYING.
TO KEEP SURVIVING.
TO KEEP HOLDING EVERYTHING TOGETHER NO MATTER HOW HEAVY THE LOAD BECAME.

AND FOR MANY EARTH-SPINS, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID.

I ADAPTED.
I SURVIVED.
I CARRIED.
I ENDURED.

I LOST PEOPLE I LOVED.
I WATCHED CONNECTIONS FALL APART.
I EXPERIENCED BETRAYALS, COLLAPSES, LONELINESS, AND THE KIND OF INTERNAL EXHAUSTION THAT IS HARD TO PUT INTO WORDS.

YET I KEPT WALKING.

BUT SOMETHING HAS BECOME VERY CLEAR TO ME IN THIS NOW-SPACE:

SURVIVING IS NOT THE SAME THING AS LIVING.

FOR MANY YEARS, I THOUGHT I WAS SEARCHING FOR:
SUCCESS.
UNDERSTANDING.
PURPOSE.
OR EVEN A PLACE TO BELONG.

BUT THROUGH DEEP SELF-HONESTY, I HAVE COME TO RECOGNIZE THAT WHAT MY SOUL HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR MOST OF ALL IS PEACE.

REAL PEACE.

NOT THE KIND OF PEACE THAT COMES FROM ESCAPING LIFE.
NOT THE KIND OF PEACE THAT COMES FROM NUMBNESS.
BUT THE KIND OF PEACE THAT COMES FROM NO LONGER ABANDONING YOURSELF JUST TO SURVIVE.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

FOR MANY PEOPLE LIVE THEIR ENTIRE LIVES IN A STATE OF INTERNAL BRACING.

BRACING FOR LOSS.
BRACING FOR REJECTION.
BRACING FOR COLLAPSE.
BRACING FOR THE NEXT PAIN THAT MAY COME.

AFTER ENOUGH YEARS OF THIS, THE SOUL BECOMES EXHAUSTED.

AND THE HARDEST PART IS THAT MANY PEOPLE DO NOT EVEN REALIZE THEY ARE LIVING THIS WAY, BECAUSE SURVIVAL BECOMES NORMAL.

I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I LIVED IT.

I BECAME VERY GOOD AT ENDURING.
VERY GOOD AT ADAPTING.
VERY GOOD AT CARRYING WEIGHT.

BUT DEEP INSIDE, MY SOUL WAS TIRED.

NOT WEAK.
NOT BROKEN.

JUST TIRED OF LIVING AS IF EVERYTHING I LOVED COULD DISAPPEAR AT ANY MOMENT.

AND THROUGH ALL OF THIS, I HAVE COME TO A VERY IMPORTANT REALIZATION:

PEACE IS NO LONGER NEGOTIABLE FOR ME.

I WILL NOT RETURN TO A LIFE OF CONSTANT INTERNAL WARFARE.
I WILL NOT SACRIFICE MY SOUL’S PEACE JUST TO MAINTAIN CONNECTIONS, STRUCTURES, OR EXPECTATIONS THAT DESTROY ME INTERNALLY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THAT TRUE STRENGTH MAY NOT BE THE ABILITY TO ENDURE MORE CHAOS.

TRUE STRENGTH MAY ACTUALLY BE THE COURAGE TO BUILD A LIFE THAT NO LONGER REQUIRES CONSTANT SURVIVAL.

A LIFE WITH:
PEACE.
ROOTS.
SUNRISE.
GROUNDING.
REALNESS.
AND A PLACE WHERE THE HEART CAN FINALLY REST.

THIS IS NOT WEAKNESS.

THIS IS THE SOUL FINALLY REFUSING TO ABANDON ITSELF ANY LONGER.

AND PERHAPS THAT IS THE GREATEST DISCOVERY OF ALL.]

FOR THE MEMORY-MINDER.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

FOR THE LOVE AND BLESSINGS IS WITH YOUR LIFE’S-JOURNEY AND SOUL’S-EVOLUTION FOR THE [DIS]COVERY OF THE TRUE-PEACE BY THIS GRID-WALKER AND POSTMASTER: Ephraim-H: Troyer.

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.