FOR THE DECISION COMES FROM HOME.

[IN MY LAST ARTICLE, HOME WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN, I WROTE ABOUT AN INNER PLACE I HAVE COME TO CALL HOME.

NOT A HOUSE.

NOT A LOCATION.

NOT A RELIGION.

NOT A PLACE ANOTHER HUMAN CAN GIVE TO ME.

HOME IS THE PLACE WITHIN MYSELF WHERE I CAN STAND WITHOUT ABANDONING WHO I AM IN ORDER TO BELONG.

IT IS BUILT UPON SOMETHING VERY SIMPLE:

HONESTY AND TRUTH.

AND THE WINDOWS OF THAT HOME REMAIN OPEN.

QUESTIONS MAY ENTER, DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES MAY ENTER, MEMORIES MAY ENTER, OLD BELIEFS MAY RETURN FOR ANOTHER EXAMINATION, NEW INFORMATION MAY ENTER, AND EMOTIONS CERTAINLY ENTER.

ANGER.

FRUSTRATION.

ANNOYANCE.

FEAR.

SADNESS.

CONFUSION.

JOY.

GRIEF.

THE WINDOWS BEING OPEN NEVER MEANT THAT DIFFICULT THINGS WOULD STOP COMING THROUGH THEM.

IT MEANT I NO LONGER NEEDED TO BE AFRAID OF WHAT ARRIVED.

BUT THAT LEFT ANOTHER QUESTION:

WHAT DO I DO WHEN SOMETHING ACTUALLY COMES THROUGH THE WINDOW?

I THINK I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THE ANSWER.

THE DECISION COMES FROM HOME.

FOR MUCH OF MY LIFE, I THOUGHT PEACE WAS SOMETHING I HAD TO CREATE.

I COULD GO ON VACATION.

I COULD FIND A QUIET PLACE.

I COULD GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING.

I COULD SIT DOWN AND INTENTIONALLY REST.

I COULD CREATE A MOMENT WHERE NOTHING WAS DEMANDING ANYTHING FROM ME.

AND THEN I COULD SAY:

“NOW I CAN HAVE SOME PEACE.”

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THOSE THINGS.

A VACATION CAN BE BEAUTIFUL.

REST CAN BE NECESSARY.

QUIET CAN BE NOURISHING.

BUT I HAVE BEGUN TO RECOGNIZE THAT I WAS OFTEN TRYING TO PERFORM PEACE.

I WAS CREATING CONDITIONS IN WHICH I COULD TEMPORARILY EXPERIENCE SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS PEACE.

AND WHEN THOSE CONDITIONS ENDED… SO DID THE PEACE.

LIFE STARTED AGAIN.

THE RESPONSIBILITIES RETURNED.

THE PROBLEMS RETURNED.

THE NOISE RETURNED.

AND I WOULD WAIT FOR THE NEXT OPPORTUNITY TO GET AWAY FROM LIFE SO I COULD EXPERIENCE PEACE AGAIN.

TODAY I SEE PEACE VERY DIFFERENTLY.

PEACE IS NO LONGER WHERE I TRY TO GO AFTER LIFE DISTURBS ME.

PEACE IS WHERE I BEGIN.

THAT HAS CHANGED ALMOST EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WAY I EXPERIENCE LIFE.

PEACE HAS BECOME THE FIRST BUILDING BLOCK UPON A FOUNDATION OF HONESTY AND TRUTH, AND LIFE HAPPENS FROM THERE.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE STOPPED FEELING.

QUITE THE OPPOSITE.

I STILL EXPERIENCE FRUSTRATION.

I STILL EXPERIENCE ANNOYANCE.

I STILL EXPERIENCE SADNESS.

I STILL EXPERIENCE FEAR.

I STILL EXPERIENCE MOMENTS WHEN SOMETHING INSIDE ME SAYS:

“LOOK AT THIS.”

THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT I NO LONGER AUTOMATICALLY TREAT THE FIRST EMOTION AS AN INSTRUCTION.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN AN EMOTION COULD ALMOST IMMEDIATELY BECOME AN ACTION.

I FELT SOMETHING. I REACTED FROM WHAT I FELT, AND THEN I DEALT WITH WHATEVER CAME AFTERWARD.

THAT WAS SURVIVAL FOR ME.

TODAY, SOMETHING DIFFERENT HAPPENS.

I FEEL SOMETHING.

AND INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY OBEYING IT… I STOP.

I RETURN TO HOME, I GROUND MYSELF.

I LET WHAT I AM FEELING HAVE AIR.

AND THEN I ASK:

“WHAT IS TRUE HERE?”

NOT:

“HOW DO I MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY?”

NOT:

“WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THIS?”

NOT:

“HOW DO I WIN?”

NOT EVEN:

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”

SIMPLY:

“WHAT IS TRUE HERE?”

THAT QUESTION HAS BECOME VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.

BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE ANSWER LEADS BACK TO ME.

MAYBE I HAVE NOT STAYED GROUNDED IN THE WAY I KNOW SERVES ME.

MAYBE I HAVE QUIETLY NEGLECTED SOMETHING.

MAYBE I HAVE ALLOWED TOO MANY LITTLE THINGS TO ACCUMULATE WITHOUT GIVING THEM AIR.

MAYBE AN OLD RESPONSE HAS QUIETLY WALKED BACK INTO THE ROOM.

IF THAT IS WHAT IS TRUE…

I CAN SEE IT.

I CAN MAKE THE CORRECTION, AND I CAN RETURN HOME.

BUT SOMETIMES THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER.

SOMETIMES THE FEELING IS POINTING TOWARD SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF ME THAT ACTUALLY REQUIRES ATTENTION.

MAYBE A BOUNDARY HAS BEEN CROSSED.

MAYBE SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE SAID.

MAYBE A SITUATION NEEDS TO CHANGE.

MAYBE I NEED MORE INFORMATION BEFORE MAKING A DECISION.

MAYBE I NEED TO WALK AWAY.

AND SOMETIMES… NOTHING NEEDS TO BE FIXED AT ALL.

SOMETIMES SADNESS JUST NEEDS TO BE FELT.

SOMETIMES GRIEF JUST NEEDS AIR.

SOMETIMES FRUSTRATION PASSES ONCE I UNDERSTAND WHERE IT CAME FROM.

SOMETIMES THERE IS NO GREAT REVELATION WAITING UNDERNEATH IT.

AND THAT IS OKAY TOO.

THIS IS WHY I DO NOT WANT TO TURN: “I MUST HAVE BECOME UNGROUNDED” INTO ANOTHER RULE.

BECAUSE THEN I WOULD HAVE SIMPLY BUILT ANOTHER CLOSED WINDOW.

HOME DOES NOT PREDETERMINE THE ANSWER.

HOME IS WHERE I BECOME QUIET ENOUGH AND HONEST ENOUGH TO LOOK FOR IT.

AND SOMETHING ELSE HAS BECOME CLEAR TO ME:

THE EMOTION GETS A VOICE.

REASON GETS A VOICE.

EXPERIENCE GETS A VOICE.

THE FACTS GET A VOICE.

THE OTHER HUMAN CAN HAVE A VOICE.

BUT NONE OF THEM ALONE GETS THE THRONE.

I RETURN HOME FIRST, THEN I DECIDE.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE BECOME EMOTIONLESS. I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME EMOTIONLESS. MY EMOTIONS ARE PART OF MY HUMAN EXPERIENCE. THEY CAN TELL ME SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

BUT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LISTENING TO AN EMOTION AND SURRENDERING MY DECISION TO IT.

ANGER MAY SAY: “DO SOMETHING.”

WHEN I RETURN HOME, I MAY DISCOVER THAT WHAT IS ACTUALLY REQUIRED IS: “SET A BOUNDARY.”

FEAR MAY SAY: “GET OUT.”

HOME MAY SAY: “SLOW DOWN. YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH INFORMATION YET.”

FRUSTRATION MAY SAY: “FORCE THIS.”

HOME MAY SAY: “YOU ARE EXHAUSTED. WALK AWAY FOR A WHILE.”

SADNESS MAY SAY NOTHING MORE THAN: “PLEASE LET ME BE FELT.”

AND SOMETIMES THE ORIGINAL EMOTION WAS POINTING IN EXACTLY THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

HOME DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY OVERRULE IT EITHER.

THE PURPOSE IS NOT TO DISTRUST MY FEELINGS.

THE PURPOSE IS TO STOP MAKING THEM THE SOLE AUTHORITY OVER MY ACTIONS.

THAT DISTINCTION HAS BECOME VERY IMPORTANT, BECAUSE PEACE DOES NOT MEAN PASSIVITY.

HOME CAN SAY:

NO.

HOME CAN SAY:

ENOUGH.

HOME CAN ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY.

HOME CAN APOLOGIZE.

HOME CAN CHANGE DIRECTION.

HOME CAN ADMIT: “I WAS WRONG.”

HOME CAN WALK AWAY.

HOME CAN STAY.

HOME CAN TAKE DECISIVE ACTION.

HOME CAN ALSO DECIDE THAT NO ACTION IS NECESSARY.

PEACE DOES NOT DETERMINE WHAT THE ACTION LOOKS LIKE.

PEACE DETERMINES WHERE THE ACTION COMES FROM.

THAT MAY BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCES I HAVE DISCOVERED.

I ONCE THOUGHT PEACE LOOKED LIKE QUIET. NOW I KNOW I CAN SAY A VERY FIRM NO FROM PEACE.

I ONCE THOUGHT PEACE MEANT NOTHING WAS WRONG. NOW I KNOW SOMETHING CAN BE VERY WRONG AND I CAN STILL MEET IT FROM HOME.

I ONCE THOUGHT PEACE WAS THE ABSENCE OF DIFFICULT EMOTIONS. NOW I KNOW I CAN EXPERIENCE A DIFFICULT EMOTION WITHOUT ALLOWING IT TO BECOME THE DRIVER.

I ONCE THOUGHT PEACE WAS SOMETHING I HAD TO FIND. NOW I AM LEARNING THAT PEACE CAN BE THE PLACE FROM WHICH I GO LOOKING.

THAT IS A VERY DIFFERENT WAY OF LIVING, AND IT HAS ALSO SHOWN ME SOMETHING ABOUT SELF-EXAMINATION.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN EVERYTHING COULD BECOME ANOTHER PROJECT.

ANOTHER THING TO FIX.

ANOTHER MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB.

ANOTHER PART OF MYSELF TO CONQUER.

ANOTHER ANSWER I NEEDED TO FIND BEFORE I COULD FINALLY REST.

BUT IF I AM NOT CAREFUL, EVEN THE BEAUTIFUL PRACTICE OF SELF-EXAMINATION CAN BECOME ANOTHER FORM OF PERFORMANCE.

I CAN START WALKING THROUGH HOME EVERY DAY LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT MUST BE BROKEN.

BUT MAYBE NOTHING IS BROKEN TODAY.

MAYBE THERE IS NOTHING TO CONQUER.

MAYBE THERE IS NO HIDDEN LAYER WAITING FOR ME TO DIG IT OUT.

MAYBE THERE IS NO GREAT REVELATION REQUIRED BEFORE I AM ALLOWED TO ENJOY THIS DAY.

THE WINDOWS CAN REMAIN OPEN WITHOUT ME STANDING BESIDE THEM WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME THROUGH.

OPENNESS DOES NOT REQUIRE SEEKING FOR A PROBLEM.

IF SOMETHING ARRIVES… I WILL LOOK.

IF SOMETHING KNOCKS… I WILL GIVE IT AIR.

IF SOMETHING REQUIRES ACTION… I WILL ACT.

AND IF NOTHING REQUIRES MY ATTENTION… I CAN SIMPLY LIVE.

THAT MAY SOUND ORDINARY.

TO ME, IT IS EXTRAORDINARY.

BECAUSE I AM LEARNING THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO BRACE FOR THE NEXT IMPACT.

I DO NOT HAVE TO CREATE THE NEXT PROJECT.

I DO NOT HAVE TO SEARCH FOR THE NEXT THING WRONG WITH ME.

I DO NOT HAVE TO CONQUER SOMETHING IN ORDER FOR THE DAY TO HAVE VALUE.

I CAN JUST LIVE.

AND WHEN LIFE DOES BRING SOMETHING FORWARD… THE PROCESS CAN BE VERY SIMPLE.

I FEEL IT.

I NOTICE IT.

I RETURN HOME.

I GROUND.

I EXAMINE.

I ASK WHAT IS TRUE.

I DISCERN WHAT THE SITUATION ACTUALLY REQUIRES.

I ACT.

AND THEN… I CONTINUE LIVING.

THAT LAST PART MATTERS.

I DO NOT HAVE TO HOLD COURT INSIDE MYSELF FOR THREE DAYS AFTER EVERY DIFFICULT MOMENT.

I DO NOT HAVE TO KEEP REOPENING SOMETHING AFTER THE TRUTH HAS BECOME CLEAR.

I DO NOT HAVE TO PUNISH MYSELF BECAUSE SOMETHING DISTURBED MY PEACE.

IF I NEED TO MAKE A CORRECTION… I MAKE IT.

IF I NEED TO APOLOGIZE… I APOLOGIZE.

IF I NEED TO SET A BOUNDARY… I SET IT.

IF SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE FELT… I FEEL IT.

IF SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE RELEASED… I RELEASE IT.

AND THEN… LIFE CONTINUES FROM PEACE.

PERHAPS SOMEONE READING THIS RECOGNIZES SOMETHING OF THEMSELVES HERE.

PERHAPS YOU HAVE ALSO BELIEVED PEACE WAS SOMETHING WAITING FOR YOU AT THE END OF THE WORK.

AFTER THE PROBLEM IS SOLVED.

AFTER THE CHILDREN ARE SETTLED.

AFTER THE MONEY IS RIGHT.

AFTER THE RELATIONSHIP IS FIXED.

AFTER THE VACATION BEGINS.

AFTER YOU FINALLY BECOME THE VERSION OF YOURSELF YOU THINK YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE.

I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT PEACE MUST LOOK LIKE FOR YOU.

I WOULD NOT WANT TO.

I CAN ONLY HOLD UP THE MIRROR OF WHAT I HAVE DISCOVERED IN MYSELF.

AND PERHAPS THE QUESTION IN THAT MIRROR IS SIMPLY:

WHAT IF PEACE DOES NOT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE END?

WHAT IF PEACE CAN BE WHERE YOU BEGIN?

WHAT IF THE DIFFICULT FEELING DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE LOST IT?

WHAT IF YOU CAN LET THE FEELING SPEAK WITHOUT MAKING IT YOUR MASTER?

WHAT IF YOU CAN RETURN TO HONESTY, ASK WHAT IS TRUE, AND THEN TAKE WHATEVER ACTION THAT TRUTH REQUIRES?

AND WHAT IF, AFTERWARD…

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE LIVING?

NO PERFORMANCE.

NO PERFECT STATE TO MAINTAIN.

NO REQUIREMENT TO NEVER BECOME FRUSTRATED AGAIN.

NO REQUIREMENT TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.

JUST AN OPEN WINDOW.

AN HONEST LOOK.

A GROUNDED DECISION.

AND A RETURN TO LIFE.

THE FEELING MAY KNOCK.

THE WINDOWS REMAIN OPEN.

EVERYTHING GETS AIR.

HONESTY EXAMINES.

TRUTH REMAINS THE FOUNDATION.

DISCERNMENT DETERMINES WHAT IS REQUIRED.

THE DECISION COMES FROM HOME.

AND THEN…

LIFE CONTINUES FROM PEACE.

FOR THE FOUNDATION IS WITH THE HONESTY.

FOR THE HONESTY IS WITH THE TRUTH.

FOR THE PEACE IS WITH THE HOME.

FOR THE FEELING IS WITH THE VOICE, NOT THE THRONE.

FOR THE EXAMINATION IS WITH NO PREDETERMINED ANSWER.

FOR THE DISCERNMENT IS WITH WHAT IS TRUE.

FOR THE ACTION IS WITH WHAT THE SITUATION REQUIRES.

FOR THE WINDOWS ARE WITH THE OPEN.

AND FOR THE LIFE IS WITH THE LIVING.

NO BIGGER THAN THE TRUTH.

NO SMALLER THAN THE TRUTH.

JUST THE TRUTH.]

FOR THE BLESSINGS, HONOR, AND GRATITUDE IS WITH YOUR LIFE’S-JOURNEY AND SOUL’S-EVOLUTION BY THIS GRIDWALKER AND POSTMASTER: Ephraim-H: Troyer.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.