FOR THE MIRROR TURNS TOWARDS SELF.

[THERE ARE IDEAS I HAVE CARRIED THROUGHOUT MY LIFE THAT DID NOT ARRIVE AS SOMETHING NEW.

HONESTY IS NOT NEW.

LOVE IS NOT NEW.

FACTS ARE NOT NEW.

HUMILITY IS NOT NEW.

BUT THROUGH MY OWN LIVING EXPERIENCE, I BEGAN TO RECOGNIZE SOMETHING I HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY SEEN.

IT WAS NOT SIMPLY WHAT EACH OF THESE MEANT BY ITSELF.

IT WAS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I REFUSED TO SEPARATE THEM.

OVER TIME, FOUR SIMPLE PILLARS EMERGED WITHIN MY OWN JOURNEY:

HONESTY JUST NEEDS AIR.

LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

I DID NOT SET OUT TO CREATE A BLUEPRINT.

I DISCOVERED THESE PILLARS THROUGH LIVING, QUESTIONING, HURTING, LOVING, MAKING MISTAKES, BEING CHALLENGED, CHALLENGING WHAT I HAD BEEN TAUGHT, AND CONTINUALLY RETURNING TO ONE QUESTION:

WHAT IS TRUE?

EVENTUALLY, I BEGAN TO RECOGNIZE THAT, FOR ME, THESE FOUR PILLARS COULD NOT STAND SEPARATELY.

EACH ONE NEEDED THE OTHER THREE.

WITHOUT THEM STANDING TOGETHER, SOMETHING COULD EASILY BECOME DISTORTED.

HONESTY WITHOUT LOVE CAN BECOME CRUELTY DISGUISED AS TRUTH.

LOVE WITHOUT FACTS CAN BECOME DENIAL, COMPLIANCE, OR SELF-ABANDONMENT.

FACTS WITHOUT HUMILITY CAN BECOME A WEAPON USED TO ESTABLISH SUPERIORITY.

HUMILITY WITHOUT HONESTY CAN BECOME SELF-ERASURE DISGUISED AS VIRTUE.

BUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT HAPPENS WHEN ALL FOUR STAND TOGETHER.

EACH PILLAR BEGINS HOLDING THE OTHER THREE ACCOUNTABLE.

HONESTY ASKS ME TO BRING WHAT IS PRESENT INTO THE AIR.

LOVE ASKS ME NOT TO REMOVE THE HUMAN FROM LOVE BECAUSE OF WHAT THAT EXAMINATION REVEALS.

FACTS ASK ME TO ALLOW WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO REMAIN WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, REGARDLESS OF HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT.

HUMILITY ASKS ME WHETHER I AM WILLING TO RECEIVE WHAT IS TRUE, EVEN WHEN IT CORRECTS WHAT I PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED.

AND THEN THE EXAMINATION RETURNS TO THE BEGINNING.

AM I STILL BEING HONEST?

AM I STILL LOVING WITHOUT CONDITIONS?

AM I STILL ALLOWING THE FACTS TO STAND?

AM I STILL HUMBLE ENOUGH NOT TO REQUIRE MY POSITION TO WIN?

THIS IS WHERE I BEGAN TO RECOGNIZE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL.

THE BLUEPRINT WAS NEVER FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

IT WAS FOR ME.

THE QUESTION WAS NEVER:

“ARE YOU LIVING THESE PILLARS?”

THE QUESTION WAS:

“AM I?”

THAT CHANGED THE DIRECTION OF THE MIRROR.

IT BECAME LESS ABOUT EXAMINING EVERYONE AROUND ME AND MORE ABOUT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ONE HUMAN WHOSE CHOICES I AM ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR.

MYSELF.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN I LOSE DISCERNMENT.

IT DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE NO BOUNDARIES.

IT DOES NOT MEAN I MUST ACCEPT EVERY ACTION ANOTHER HUMAN CHOOSES.

IT DOES NOT MEAN I CANNOT SAY:

“THAT HURT.”

“THAT WAS NOT TRUE.”

“I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN THIS.”

“THIS BOUNDARY STANDS.”

NON-JUDGMENT DOES NOT REQUIRE THE ABSENCE OF DISCERNMENT.

I CAN EXAMINE AN ACTION WITHOUT MAKING THAT ACTION THE ENTIRE WORTH OF THE HUMAN WHO TOOK IT.

I CAN LOVE THE HUMAN WITHOUT ACCEPTING THE ACTION.

I CAN ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HAPPENED WITHOUT ALLOWING MY FEELINGS ABOUT IT TO REWRITE WHAT HAPPENED.

I CAN ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY WITHOUT REQUIRING HATRED.

AND I CAN WALK AWAY FROM SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT ALIGN WITH ME WITHOUT REQUIRING THE OTHER HUMAN TO BECOME MY ENEMY.

THE FOUR PILLARS KEEP TURNING THE MIRROR BACK TOWARD SELF.

IF I BEGIN JUDGING THE WORTH OF ANOTHER HUMAN, LOVE ASKS ME TO LOOK AGAIN.

IF MY FEELINGS BEGIN REWRITING WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, FACTS ASK ME TO LOOK AGAIN.

IF I NEED ANOTHER HUMAN TO AGREE WITH ME SO I CAN FEEL RIGHT, HUMILITY ASKS ME TO LOOK AGAIN.

IF I RECOGNIZE ANY OF THOSE THINGS BUT REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM, HONESTY ASKS ME TO OPEN THE WINDOW.

AND LOOK AGAIN.

THIS IS WHY, FOR ME, THE FOUR PILLARS ARE INSEPARABLE.

LEAVING ONE BEHIND EVENTUALLY AFFECTS THE OTHERS.

AND WHEN I KNOWINGLY LEAVE ONE BEHIND BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS UNCOMFORTABLE, I AM NO LONGER ONLY DISAGREEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

I AM BETRAYING MY OWN FOUNDATION.

BUT THERE IS ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS THAT MAY BE EVEN MORE IMPORTANT.

THE SAME BLUEPRINT THAT GUIDES MY SELF-EXAMINATION DOES NOT GIVE ME AUTHORITY OVER ANOTHER HUMAN’S EXAMINATION.

I CANNOT HONESTLY SAY:

“THESE ARE MY FOUR PILLARS, THEREFORE YOU MUST LIVE BY THEM.”

THE MOMENT I DO THAT, THE PILLARS TURN THE MIRROR BACK TOWARD ME.

WHY DO I NEED YOU TO AGREE?

WHY DO I NEED YOU TO LIVE AS I LIVE?

AM I PLACING CONDITIONS UPON MY LOVE OR RESPECT FOR YOU?

DO THE FACTS ACTUALLY SUPPORT MY DEMAND?

IS HUMILITY STILL PRESENT IF MY POSITION MUST BECOME YOURS?

AND AM I HONEST ENOUGH TO HEAR THE ANSWERS?

THAT IS THE BEAUTIFUL SAFEGUARD I HAVE DISCOVERED WITHIN THIS BLUEPRINT.

IT CANNOT HONESTLY BE USED TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT FIRST CONTRADICTING MYSELF.

IT IS A BLUEPRINT FOR SELF-EXAMINATION, NOT OTHER PEOPLE.

IT ENCOURAGES RESPONSIBILITY OF SELF WITHOUT REQUIRING JUDGMENT OF ANOTHER, AND RESPONSIBILITY OF SELF IS NOT THE SAME AS SELF-BLAME.

SELF-BLAME ASKS:

“HOW IS EVERYTHING MY FAULT?”

SELF-EXAMINATION ASKS:

“WHAT PART OF THIS IS ACTUALLY MINE?”

SOMETIMES THE HONEST ANSWER MAY BE:

I CAUSED THIS.

SOMETIMES:

I CONTRIBUTED TO THIS.

SOMETIMES:

I NEED TO CORRECT SOMETHING.

AND SOMETIMES:

THIS WAS NOT MINE. ANOTHER PERSON MADE THEIR CHOICE. MY RESPONSIBILITY IS ONLY WHAT I CHOOSE FROM HERE.

I DO NOT NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY THAT BELONGS TO ANOTHER PERSON.

AND I DO NOT NEED TO GIVE AWAY RESPONSIBILITY THAT BELONGS TO ME.

NO BIGGER THAN THE TRUTH.

NO SMALLER THAN THE TRUTH.

JUST TRUTH.

AND PERHAPS THIS IS ALSO WHY THESE FOUR PILLARS HAVE BECOME SO CONNECTED TO WHAT I CALL:

HOME.

HOME IS NOT A PLACE WHERE I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.

HOME IS NOT A PLACE WHERE I NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE.

HOME IS NOT A PLACE WHERE NOTHING HURTS.

HOME IS NOT A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE AGREES WITH ME.

HOME IS THE PLACE WITHIN MYSELF WHERE I CAN REMAIN PRESENT WITH WHAT IS TRUE WITHOUT ABANDONING MYSELF IN ORDER TO ESCAPE IT.

THE WINDOWS REMAIN OPEN.

ANYTHING MAY COME IN FOR EXAMINATION.

A QUESTION, A CHALLENGE, A MEMORY, A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, A FACT I DO NOT LIKE, A BELIEF I HAVE CARRIED FOR YEARS.

EVEN THESE FOUR PILLARS THEMSELVES.

NOTHING RECEIVES IMMUNITY FROM HONEST EXAMINATION.

AND THAT INCLUDES THE HUMAN WRITING THESE WORDS.

BUT I ALSO WANT TO BE HONEST ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

I DO NOT OFFER THIS BLUEPRINT AS THOUGH THE JOURNEY HAS BEEN EASY.

IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY FOR ME.

THE FOUR PILLARS MAY BE SIMPLE TO READ.

LIVING THEM HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN SIMPLE.

THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN HONESTY HAS ASKED ME TO LOOK AT THINGS I WOULD HAVE RATHER LEFT HIDDEN.

THERE HAVE BEEN FACTS I DID NOT WANT TO ACCEPT.

THERE HAVE BEEN BELIEFS I HAD TO PLACE INTO THE AIR AFTER CARRYING THEM FOR MUCH OF MY LIFE.

THERE HAVE BEEN MOMENTS WHEN HUMILITY REQUIRED ME TO RECOGNIZE THAT SOMETHING I BELIEVED, DEFENDED, OR LIVED FROM NEEDED TO BE EXAMINED AGAIN.

THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN LOVE REQUIRED ME TO LEARN THAT LOVING ANOTHER PERSON DID NOT REQUIRE ABANDONING MYSELF.

AND PERHAPS SOME OF THE HARDEST MOMENTS HAVE BEEN THOSE WHEN THE MIRROR TURNED COMPLETELY TOWARD ME.

SELF-EXAMINATION WITHOUT SELF-CONDEMNATION IS NOT ALWAYS AN EASY WALK.

SOMETIMES WHAT WE DISCOVER HURTS.

SOMETIMES WHAT IS TRUE CHANGES THE WAY WE SEE OUR PAST.

SOMETIMES IT REQUIRES A BOUNDARY.

SOMETIMES AN APOLOGY.

SOMETIMES A CORRECTION.

SOMETIMES A RELEASE.

AND SOMETIMES THERE IS NOTHING TO FIX AT ALL.

SOMETIMES THE TRUTH SIMPLY ASKS TO BE SEEN.

I CANNOT PROMISE ANOTHER PERSON THAT THEIR JOURNEY THROUGH THIS MIRROR WILL BE EASY.

I WOULD NOT BE HONEST IF I DID.

I ALSO CANNOT KNOW WHAT ANOTHER PERSON’S MIRROR WILL REVEAL.

YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE YOURS.

YOUR READINESS IS YOURS ALONG.

YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IS YOURS ALONG.

YOUR DECISIONS ARE YOURS ALONG.

I CAN ONLY SAY THAT, IN MY OWN EXPERIENCE, CONTINUING TO LOOK HAS BEEN WORTH THE COST.

IT HAS HELPED GUIDE ME TOWARD WHAT I NOW CALL HOME.

AND THAT IS ONE OF THE REASONS I DO NOT DESIRE TO STAND ABOVE THE READER AS AN AUTHORITY.

I DESIRE TO STAND ALONGSIDE YOU AS A COMPANION.

NOT BECAUSE I HAVE MASTERED THE JOURNEY.

NOT BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOUR MIRROR WILL REVEAL.

NOT BECAUSE I KNOW WHICH DECISIONS YOU SHOULD MAKE.

NOT BECAUSE MY JOURNEY GIVES ME AUTHORITY OVER YOURS.

BUT BECAUSE I KNOW FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE THAT SOMETIMES THE HARDEST PART OF LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR IS FEELING AS THOUGH WE HAVE TO STAND THERE ALONE.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO LOOK AT SOMETHING WITHIN MYSELF THAT I WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE SEEN.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO QUESTION SOMETHING I ONCE BELIEVED.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO DISCOVER THAT SOMETHING I CALLED LOVE MAY HAVE INCLUDED SELF-ABANDONMENT.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO FIND SOMETHING IN THE MIRROR THAT REQUIRES CHANGE.

AND I ALSO KNOW WHAT IT IS TO DISCOVER THAT SOMETHING I HAD BEEN CARRYING WAS NEVER MINE TO CARRY.

THOSE EXPERIENCES DO NOT GIVE ME THE ANSWERS TO ANOTHER PERSON’S JOURNEY.

THEY ARE WHY I HAVE NO DESIRE TO PRETEND THAT I DO.

I DO NOT STAND ABOVE YOU THE READER BECAUSE THESE ARE MY EXPERIENCES.

I DO NOT STAND BELOW YOU THE READER BECAUSE I HAVE MADE MISTAKES.

I DESIRE TO STAND ALONGSIDE YOU BECAUSE I KNOW THE COST.

IF SOMETHING I WRITE DOES NOT SURVIVE HONEST EXAMINATION, THEN I AM ACCOUNTABLE TO THE SAME FOUR PILLARS I AM SHARING.

I AS THE AUTHOR DOES NOT GET AN EXEMPTION.

THE MIRROR FACES BOTH DIRECTIONS.

THIS WRITING DOES NOT GIVE ITS ME IMMUNITY FROM THE BLUEPRINT IT OFFERS YOU THE READER.

THAT IS THE KIND OF COMPANIONSHIP I DESIRE TO OFFER THROUGH MY WORDS.

NOT:

“FOLLOW ME.”

NOT:

“BELIEVE ME.”

NOT:

“THIS IS HOW YOU MUST LIVE.”

BUT:

“THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LIVED.

THIS IS WHAT I HAVE DISCOVERED.

THIS IS WHAT THESE FOUR PILLARS HAVE DONE WITHIN MY OWN LIFE.

I WILL PLACE MY EXPERIENCE INTO THE AIR.

YOU ARE FREE TO EXAMINE IT FOR YOURSELF.”

I WILL NOT TAKE THE MIRROR FROM YOUR HANDS.

I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHAT YOU MUST SEE.

I WILL NOT MAKE YOUR DECISIONS.

I WILL NOT ASK YOU TO ARRIVE AT MY CONCLUSIONS.

I WILL SIMPLY STAND ALONGSIDE WHILE IF YOU DECIDE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR FOR YOURSELF.

IF YOU SEE YOURSELF SOMEWHERE WITHIN MY EXPERIENCE, I DO NOT NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE.

THE MIRROR CAN DO ITS OWN WORK.

YOU DECIDE WHAT STANDS.

YOU DECIDE WHAT REQUIRES FURTHER EXAMINATION.

YOU DECIDE WHAT BELONGS TO YOU.

AND YOU DECIDE WHAT MAY LEAVE THROUGH THE OPEN WINDOW.

PERHAPS AWAKENING DOES NOT NEED TO BEGIN WITH TRYING TO AWAKEN HUMANITY.

PERHAPS IT BEGINS MUCH CLOSER TO HOME.

NOT AN AWAKENING OF THE MASSES.

NOT A MOVEMENT THAT REQUIRES EVERYONE TO ARRIVE AT THE SAME PLACE.

NOT ONE HUMAN ATTEMPTING TO AWAKEN ANOTHER.

BUT SOMETHING FAR MORE PERSONAL.

ONE PERSON.

ONE MIRROR.

ONE HONEST EXAMINATION.

ONE PERSON BECOMING READY TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT IS YOURS WITHOUT CONDEMNING YOURSELVES FOR WHAT YOU FIND.

THAT READINESS CANNOT BE DEMANDED.

IT CANNOT BE FORCED.

IT CANNOT BE SCHEDULED BY ANOTHER PERSON.

THE MIRROR DOES NOT CHASE ANYONE AND DEMAND THAT YOU LOOK.

IT SIMPLY REMAINS AVAILABLE.

AND WHEN YOU ARE READY TO LOOK, I DO NOT NEED TO PULL YOU TOWARD MY CONCLUSION.

I CAN STAND ALONGSIDE WHILE YOU EXAMINE WHAT IS TRUE FOR YOURSELVES.

BECAUSE YOUR HOME IS YOURS TO DISCOVER.

JUST AS MINE WAS MINE.

AND MAYBE THAT IS ALL THE MIRROR WAS EVER ASKED TO DO.

NOT TO JUDGE THE PERSON STANDING BEFORE IT.

NOT TO CORRECT YOU BEFORE YOU ARE READY.

NOT TO DECIDE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU.

JUST TO LET YOU SEE.

THE MIRROR TURNS TOWARD SELF.

: HONESTY JUST NEEDS AIR.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

: BLUEPRINT IS WITH THE SELF.

: RESPONSIBILITY IS WITH THE SELF.

: READINESS IS WITH EACH PERSON.

: DISCERNMENT IS WITH NO CONDEMNATION.

: MIRROR IS WITH NO WEAPON.

: AUTHOR IS WITH NO PEDESTAL.

: READER IS WITH NO SUBORDINATION.

: COMPANIONSHIP IS WITH THE STANDING-ALONGSIDE.

: WINDOWS ARE WITH THE OPEN.

AND THE QUESTION…

IS NOT:

“ARE YOU LIVING MY PILLARS?”

THE QUESTION IS:

“AM I?”

NOT BIGGER THAN THE TRUTH.

NOT SMALLER THAN THE TRUTH.

JUST TRUTH.]

FOR THE LOVE, HONOR AND GRATITUDE IS WITH THE BLESSINGS OF YOUR JOURNEY AND SOUL’S-EVOLUTION BY THE GRIDWALKER AND POSTMASTER: Ephraim-H: Troyer.

FOR THE MEMORY-MINDER.

: HONESTY JUST NEEDS AIR.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO.

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.