[PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS WHERE THE EXCUSES END.]

[THE POWER OF CHOICE, GRACE, AND BOUNDARIES IN EVERYDAY LIFE.

THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, I HAVE COME TO RECOGNIZE SOMETHING THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY SIMPLE, YET HAS CHANGED THE WAY I EXPERIENCE MYSELF, MY RELATIONSHIPS, AND THE WORLD AROUND ME.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS WHERE THE EXCUSES END.

FOR MANY YEARS, I LIVED ACCORDING TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS. I SPENT SO MUCH OF MY LIFE TRYING TO BE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE EXPECTED ME TO BE THAT I OFTEN FORGOT TO ASK MYSELF WHAT I WAS CHOOSING AND WHY.

OVER TIME, I BEGAN TO RECOGNIZE THAT I COULD NOT CONTINUE PLACING THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY LIFE IN THE HANDS OF OTHER PEOPLE.

THAT DID NOT MEAN EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS MY FAULT.

IT DID NOT MEAN THAT THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS WERE MY RESPONSIBILITY.

IT MEANT RECOGNIZING THAT MY OWN CHOICES, MY OWN ACTIONS, AND MY OWN RESPONSES WERE MINE TO EXAMINE.

AND THAT REALIZATION BEGAN TO CHANGE EVERYTHING.

THE POWER OF PERSONAL CHOICE

ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY CANNOT BE FORCED UPON SOMEONE ELSE.

IT MUST BEGIN WITH A PERSONAL CHOICE.

WE CAN ENCOURAGE OTHERS.

WE CAN SHARE OUR EXPERIENCES.

WE CAN DEMONSTRATE THROUGH OUR OWN ACTIONS WHAT WE BELIEVE TO BE MEANINGFUL.

BUT WE CANNOT MAKE ANOTHER PERSON TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR LIFE.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WE CANNOT DEMAND THAT SOMEBODY ELSE DO SOMETHING WE ARE UNWILLING TO DO OURSELVES AND CALL IT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

IF I WANT HONESTY IN MY RELATIONSHIPS, AM I WILLING TO BE HONEST?

IF I WANT TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT, AM I WILLING TO EXTEND THOSE SAME QUALITIES?

IF I EXPECT OTHERS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACTS, AM I WILLING TO ACCEPT FACTS THAT CHALLENGE MY OWN BELIEFS?

IF I WANT OTHERS TO RECOGNIZE THEIR MISTAKES, AM I WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY OWN?

THOSE ARE QUESTIONS I MUST FIRST BE WILLING TO ASK MYSELF.

NOT BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DEMANDS IT.

BUT BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE PERSON I AM BECOMING.

THE FOUR PILLARS OF MY PERSONAL BLUEPRINT

AS I HAVE CONTINUED EXAMINING MY LIFE, I HAVE COME TO RELY ON FOUR PRINCIPLES THAT FORM THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONAL BLUEPRINT.

HONESTY. LOVE. FACTS. HUMILITY.

THESE FOUR PILLARS HAVE BECOME THE FOUNDATION THROUGH WHICH I EXAMINE MY DECISIONS, MY RELATIONSHIPS, AND MY ACTIONS.

HONESTY ASKS ME TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS TRUE, EVEN WHEN THAT TRUTH IS UNCOMFORTABLE.

LOVE REMINDS ME TO RECOGNIZE THE HUMANITY IN MYSELF AND OTHERS, EVEN WHEN WE DISAGREE OR MAKE MISTAKES.

FACTS REQUIRE ME TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN WHAT I KNOW, WHAT I BELIEVE, AND WHAT I HAVE YET TO UNDERSTAND.

HUMILITY REMINDS ME THAT I AM NOT PERFECT, THAT MY UNDERSTANDING CAN BE INCOMPLETE, AND THAT I MUST REMAIN WILLING TO LEARN AND MAKE CORRECTIONS.

I HAVE FOUND THESE PRINCIPLES USEFUL IN EVERY AREA OF LIFE WHERE I HAVE CHOSEN TO APPLY THEM.

BUT THERE IS SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR.

THIS IS MY PERSONAL BLUEPRINT. IT IS NOT A COMMAND FOR ANYONE ELSE.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT DISCOVERING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL FOR MYSELF GIVES ME THE RIGHT TO DEMAND THAT EVERYONE ELSE LIVE ACCORDING TO IT.

DOING SO WOULD CONTRADICT THE VERY PRINCIPLES I HAVE CHOSEN TO PRACTICE.

LOVE MUST MAKE ROOM FOR THE FREEDOM OF OTHERS.

HUMILITY MUST RECOGNIZE THAT MY WAY OF UNDERSTANDING LIFE IS NOT THE ONLY WAY ANOTHER PERSON MAY FIND MEANING.

AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY REQUIRES ME TO EXAMINE MY OWN CHOICES BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO DIRECT SOMEONE ELSE’S.

GRACE AND BOUNDARIES CAN EXIST TOGETHER

ONE OF MY MORE RECENT DISCOVERIES HAS BEEN RECOGNIZING HOW GRACE AND BOUNDARIES CAN EXIST TOGETHER.

FOR A LONG TIME, I DID NOT NECESSARILY HAVE WORDS FOR THIS BALANCE.

BUT AS I HAVE EXAMINED MY LIFE THROUGH THE FOUR PILLARS, I HAVE BEGUN TO RECOGNIZE THAT I WAS ALREADY PRACTICING PARTS OF IT WITHOUT CONSCIOUSLY TRYING.

I CAN EXTEND GRACE TO SOMEONE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE WITHOUT PRETENDING THAT THE MISTAKE NEVER HAPPENED.

I CAN LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT AGREEING WITH THEIR ACTIONS.

I CAN RESPECT ANOTHER PERSON’S RIGHT TO MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES WITHOUT ALLOWING THOSE CHOICES TO CONTINUALLY DISRUPT MY PEACE.

AND I CAN ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY WITHOUT TURNING THAT BOUNDARY INTO PUNISHMENT.

GRACE DOES NOT ERASE ACCOUNTABILITY.

BOUNDARIES DO NOT ERASE LOVE.

THOSE TWO PRINCIPLES DO NOT HAVE TO BE ENEMIES.

THEY CAN COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER.

SOMETIMES GRACE MEANS ALLOWING SOMEONE ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY.

SOMETIMES A BOUNDARY MEANS RECOGNIZING THAT THE OPPORTUNITY CANNOT COME AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR OWN WELL-BEING.

AND SOMETIMES BOTH CAN BE EXPRESSED IN THE SAME MOMENT.

WE CAN SAY THAT SOMETHING WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE, WHILE STILL LEAVING ROOM FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE IN THE FUTURE.

THAT DOES NOT REQUIRE PERFECTION FROM EITHER PERSON.

IT REQUIRES HONESTY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND RESPECT FOR THE CHOICES THAT FOLLOW.

PATIENCE GIVES US ROOM TO GROW

ANOTHER PRINCIPLE I HAVE COME TO APPRECIATE MORE DEEPLY IS PATIENCE.

NOT ONLY PATIENCE WITH OTHERS, BUT PATIENCE WITH MYSELF.

THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES IN MY LIFE WHEN I WANTED ANSWERS IMMEDIATELY.

WHEN I WANTED TO UNDERSTAND WHY SOMETHING HAPPENED.

WHEN I WANTED CIRCUMSTANCES TO CHANGE FASTER THAN THEY WERE CHANGING.

BUT I HAVE COME TO RECOGNIZE THAT PATIENCE CAN ALLOW TIME FOR FACTS TO EMERGE, FOR UNDERSTANDING TO DEVELOP, AND FOR PEOPLE TO MAKE THEIR OWN CHOICES.

PATIENCE DOES NOT MEAN THAT EVERY SITUATION WILL RESOLVE ITSELF THE WAY WE HOPE.

IT DOES NOT MEAN WE MUST WAIT FOREVER.

AND IT CERTAINLY DOES NOT MEAN WE MUST ACCEPT HARMFUL BEHAVIOR WITHOUT BOUNDARIES.

SOMETIMES PATIENCE MEANS ALLOWING TIME.

SOMETIMES IT MEANS CONTINUING TO MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT DEMANDING IMMEDIATE RESULTS.

AND SOMETIMES IT MEANS HAVING ENOUGH RESPECT FOR OURSELVES TO RECOGNIZE WHEN IT IS TIME TO MAKE A DIFFERENT DECISION.

PATIENCE CAN GIVE TRUTH ROOM TO EMERGE, LOVE ROOM TO OPERATE, FACTS ROOM TO DEVELOP, AND HUMILITY ROOM TO CORRECT.

AND PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT CAN HELP US RECOGNIZE THAT NEITHER WE NOR THE PEOPLE AROUND US ARE FINISHED LEARNING.

CHANGE BEGINS WITH THE INDIVIDUAL

SOMETIMES I FIND MYSELF IMAGINING WHAT HUMANITY MIGHT LOOK LIKE IF MORE PEOPLE FREELY CHOSE TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.

NOT BECAUSE THEY WERE COMMANDED TO.

NOT BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DEMANDED IT.

BUT BECAUSE THEY RECOGNIZED THE VALUE OF DOING SO FOR THEMSELVES.

IMAGINE PEOPLE BEING ABLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR MISTAKES WITHOUT FEELING THE NEED TO DEFEND EVERY ACTION.

IMAGINE DISAGREEMENTS WHERE BOTH PEOPLE WERE WILLING TO LISTEN WITHOUT ABANDONING THEIR OWN VALUES.

IMAGINE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE LOVE DID NOT REQUIRE THE SURRENDER OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.

IMAGINE HAVING PATIENCE WITH OURSELVES WHILE ALSO ALLOWING OTHERS THE SPACE TO LEARN AT THEIR OWN PACE.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN HUMANITY WOULD BECOME PERFECT.

IT DOES NOT MEAN WE WOULD ALL AGREE.

AND IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT EVERY CONFLICT WOULD DISAPPEAR.

BUT I DO BELIEVE IT COULD CHANGE THE WAY WE APPROACH MANY OF THOSE CONFLICTS.

YET THERE IS ONE THING I KEEP RETURNING TO.

THAT CHANGE CANNOT DEPEND ON EVERYONE ELSE MAKING THE FIRST MOVE.

IF I WAIT FOR EVERYONE ELSE TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY BEFORE I AM WILLING TO TAKE MY OWN, THEN I HAVE PLACED MY CHOICE BACK INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S HANDS.

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM LEARNING NOT TO DO.

THE MIRROR BEGINS WITH ME

I AM NOT WRITING THIS BECAUSE I HAVE PERFECTED PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

I HAVE NOT.

I AM STILL LEARNING.

I AM STILL DISCOVERING THINGS ABOUT MYSELF.

AND WHEN I RECOGNIZE THAT SOMETHING I HAVE SAID, BELIEVED, OR DONE DOES NOT ALIGN WITH MY FOUR PILLARS, I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO RETURN TO THAT BLUEPRINT AND REEXAMINE MY CHOICE.

THAT IS PART OF WHAT MAKES THIS JOURNEY MEANINGFUL TO ME.

I DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

BUT I DO HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF.

I DO NOT HAVE TO DEMAND THAT OTHERS CHANGE BEFORE I CAN MAKE A CHANGE IN MY OWN LIFE.

AND I DO NOT HAVE TO ABANDON LOVE IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN MY BOUNDARIES.

EVERY DAY PRESENTS ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE.

SOMETIMES I WILL GET IT RIGHT.

SOMETIMES I WILL MAKE A MISTAKE.

BUT I CAN CONTINUE TO EXAMINE MY ACTIONS THROUGH HONESTY, LOVE, FACTS, AND HUMILITY.

AND I CAN EXTEND MYSELF THE SAME GRACE AND PATIENCE THAT I AM LEARNING TO EXTEND TO OTHERS.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY DOES NOT BEGIN WHEN EVERYONE ELSE FINALLY GETS IT RIGHT.

IT BEGINS WHEN I AM WILLING TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY OWN CHOICES.

AND THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO THE QUESTION I WANT TO LEAVE WITH EACH OF US.

NOT WHETHER THE PEOPLE AROUND US ARE LIVING ACCORDING TO OUR EXPECTATIONS.

NOT WHETHER THE REST OF HUMANITY HAS LEARNED THE LESSONS WE BELIEVE ARE IMPORTANT.

BUT SOMETHING MUCH MORE PERSONAL.

AM I WILLING TO LIVE ACCORDING TO THE PRINCIPLES I CLAIM TO VALUE, EVEN WHEN NOBODY ELSE DOES?

THAT IS A QUESTION EACH OF US CAN EXAMINE FOR OURSELVES.

AND THE CHOICE OF WHAT WE DO WITH OUR ANSWER BELONGS TO US.

NO BIGGER THAN THE TRUTH. NO SMALLER THAN THE TRUTH. JUST TRUE.]

FOR THE LOVE AND HONOR OF YOUR LIFE’S-JOURNEY AND SOUL’S-EVOLUTION IS WITH THE BLESSING AND GRATITUDE BY THE GRIDWALKER AND POSTMASTER: Ephraim-H: Troyer.

: HONESTY JUST NEEDS AIR.

: LOVE HAS NO CONDITIONS.

: FACTS HAVE NO FEELINGS.

: HUMILITY HAS NO EGO

: ANCHOR.

: PILLAR.